Past – Future

Hi hi~

I’m back in Malaysia, finally! But I have to go back to Indonesia in two weeks. Hiks. This was not the original post I wanted to publish, but oh well~

I just arrived home after meeting a school buddy of mine. It has been around six months since I last met this friend. We talked and talked. Thanks to that, I am now sitting in my room, writing this post with a relieved heart.

True, I did receive a not so good news from this friend of mine, but there’s just something calming about meeting an old buddy. I’ve realized this for quite some time now; my school friends are my happy pills.


Befriending them was not a choice, but staying in contact with them, thinking about them, praying for them, they’re all mine to decide. A friend or two may have scarce themselves, but the rest are still bonding and I hope we will still be so in the future, aamiin.

I wrote about this in one of my previous post, about how much my school friends meant to me. Graduating from high school was a blast, but it also left an empty spot in my heart, thus when I met one of them, the spot healed. We didn’t do much, didn’t spend much.

I’ve found my stress reliever.

I can talk as much as I want ✔

I can be myself  ✔

I can hear about the latest gossip (about my friends) ✔

Also, you can just meet up with them anywhere and anytime (as long as both parties are free). Although it’s not exactly the same; it’ll be like the past.

I am hoping, as much as I love these annoying creatures, how much I care for them, how much I cherish them; they’ll think of me in the same way. It’s fine if they don’t, it’s fine if they have someone else, as long as they’re happy, s’all good.

Gosh, I sound so creepy xD It’s like reading an obsessed fan’s fan letter xD

Dear future Allya, if you’re reading this, do remember on how much these people meant to you. Once in a blue moon, taking them for granted is fine and letting go of those who want to be let go is also fine, but no matter what, probably, half of your great and joyful memories are filled with them.

The PAST, the reason why I am how I am today. Filled with joy and sorrow, but a never-ending care. The place where I seek comfort in.

The PRESENT, the good and the bad. My motivator and Achilles heels. The place where I seek comfort in.

The FUTURE, the reason why I am striving hard. For wanting everyone to succeed and live a peaceful life. The place where I seek comfort in.

As you can see, other than my family, they’re the one I want to find comfort in. I find people who want to get rid of their high school memories as dummies. No matter how painful school life was, there’s always a happy moment (unless you’re a pessimist, no offense to pessimist out there) and you have to thank those experience as they make you who you are today. And your children will be that pitiful soul who never get to meet their parent’s school friends, meaning, they will have less life-experience talk. Boring.

You learn from the past. The happy can be kept, for it to be open on a bad day and the sad can be a lesson, to make you wiser.

One of the key to be successful is to see a silver lining in every dark cloud. I am not a successful person myself, but I pat myself on the back for being able to see the good in everything. It lowers the stress level and you’ll feel like you’re walking on a flower petals road (anime style, with petals flying everywhere and pop! Your destined love is in front of you) because your heart is filled with positive energy.

I should stop, this is getting nowhere.

Again, one of my biggest wish is for us (my school friends and I) to stay close forever, in hoping, everyone will succeed together and we can finally brag about it. Just kidding! Let us all be billionaires who will succeed in life and Jannah! Let’s be that crazy group of alumnus that will rock the world~


P.S. I am no perfect friend myself. Sometimes, even when I know my friends are in trouble, I didn’t do much. I am not ignoring them, but sometimes I heard their problems from other people. Unless it’s life-threatening, I don’t want to bother their life unless they want me to. As burdensome my life is (trust me, I’m kinda like burden-free these days), there will always be a space for your shenanigans, my friends. I’ve been making this ‘room’ for more than a decade, so there should be enough space for everyone (unless all of you decided to become serial killers, this one I can’t help xD)


Becoming too ‘manja’

Who? Who became annoyingly spoilt? Tehee~ It’s me.

I am not one to ‘mengada’ with people. I don’t mind people being all clingy, acting like a baby, but for Thor’s sake; I don’t do those things. Well, at least not before.

To summarize it all, before college, I was the guardian angel/Satan’s mistress to people around me. They’ll seek me for comfort and asked for advice (tho most of the time, I’m the source of their agony), they belief in me (not trust) and most importantly, my friends know that Allya the big sister will always be there for them; to protect them.

If they got into a fight, I’ll beat up whoever the opponent was (even when my friends are wrong. Bad, I know. Am extremely bias), when someone said bad things about my friends, I’ll make sure that person who bad-mouthed them will suffer for the rest of their life (only I can talk bad about my friends) and when we’re out in the cold world, I will make sure everyone was safe. I’ll walk on the side-nearest-to-the road path, I’ll make sure I’ll be hit first when crossing the road,  I’ll bring all of those heavy things; I’ll protect them from harm’s way.

Although, it all changed when I entered college. Particularly, during my semester 2. I am treated like a princess. Maybe it’s a normal thing, but I do feel flattered by whatever they are all doing. Alhamdulillah, I’m blessed with guy friends who are total gentlemen. Never once, those male in my campus ever let me bring heavy things. They care for me like how a girl is suppose to be treated. I mean, I’m not saying that the guys from school are bad, they’re adorable, but maybe they’re just used to see me as someone who’ll protect them; not one to be protected.

Sadly, I became too comfortable with this whole situation. When I met my school friends, I get offended by what they did or said. The old Allya wouldn’t mind about it at all. Heck, she’ll probably laugh it off without feeling bad. However, the current Allya almost cried.

When facing a troublesome situation, the girl who not only collected herself, but are also leading 800 people; she was shaking when answering the phone. I mean, I get it if I’m shaking because I lied, but I was blurting out the truth for God sake! I kept blabbering; ‘uhhhmmm’ was often said as much as I inhale. Ergh! The old me can tell you a story about some person’s life; a non-existence person while sounding like that person is my best friend! (not something that I should be proud of, but you get the point yeah)

She is becoming softer and more sensitive. I should get myself together. Gotta find that old Allya back (only the positive sides please). I love being pampered by people around me, but I should not delude myself. Okay, delude is not the word, but whatever xD

True, I love being treated like a woman, but I shouldn’t be mean to friends who didn’t treat me as such. It’s not their fault, they know the old Allya, not the new. So I can’t blame them for that. Regardless, I love all of my friends!

❤ ❤ ❤ Love you all lots! ❤ ❤ ❤


P.S. I know this is a random thing to write. I just feel like writing, that’s all. Again, bear with me please xD

P.P.S. I am becoming too dependent on Pres as well. Before, everyone was depending on me; the ever so independent woman. Now, I’m disgusted at how much I depend on Pres. No offense Pres, none of them are your fault. I love being your VP, you treat me well and thanks to you, I get to experience being a follower, leaded by a great person. But gurl, you gotta get yourself together and rule on! Oppps, I mean live on~

Miss my ‘Aussie’ friend

Last week was quite eventful for me.  Got more friends, did an audition, entered clubs and did activities with them. Oh, let’s not forget that I am officially awarded the douche bag of a friend award since I want that person to be a better person. *eye rolling overboard*

In the middle of those hectic days and dilemmas, I whatsapp-ed Shavvin because I heard that there’s an earthquake in New Zealand. He’s in Australia but hey, what’s the harm in asking, right? He said that he was fine and so on (he didn’t even know that there’s an earthquake for heaven sake!) We talked and talked, well basically we were chatting. I asked him about how’s the weather in Aussie. It’s still spring there and I warned him about those dangerous looking bugs. It’s almost summer so I told him to enjoy the not-as-hot-as-Malaysia sun.

Cabin said that the only enjoyable thing during summer is the beach a.k.a. those girls in bikinis and trikinis whatever you call them. He compliments those lovely beautiful hot Australian women by saying that they have lovely and glossy tresses. Hmmm… I doubt it’s just the hair -_-

By now, his ex-classmates are a mere nothing compare to those Aussie felines except for one (unfortunately it’s not me TT^TT) He hurriedly ‘fixed’ his mistakes by saying that all women are pretty and blablabla. You know those empty words. I’m hurt already, Cabin. Don’t try to fix it by saying those words. Just give me some hot Aussie guys pictures ;p

I will definitely forgive you if you give me at least 10 clear HD shots of those hunkies  ❤ Better if you hook me up with one (a girl can dream right. Chris Hemsworth, he is HOT too bad he’s taken).

We chatted and chatted. In the middle of it, I realized how much I missed him. We used to see each other everyday. Throwing stupid jokes and crazy ideas. Now, we’re in different continents!

I remembered the day when I sent him away. Man, I should’ve hug him tight or something TT^TT One thing for sure though, I’m glad that he’s surviving there. Hey, he’s my friend. My friend will survive anywhere, somehow.

He complained though about the high passing marks and the hard subjects. Those are the punishments for leaving me, Cabin. Kahkahkah XD jk.

Although hard, I’m pretty sure that you can excel Shavvin. If I can pass my everyone-learnt-it-for-three-years-and-I-only-a-month economy test, then I’m sure you’ll do great!

Wish you can come back home for Christmas but then again, tickets prices are crazy during peak seasons. See you after two years, I guess?

Miss you and love you lots, Cabin! Good luck!!!


P.S. I wanted to show you guys our chat but I stupidly deleted it. Redhaaa~

Making headline.

According to the title, I made a headline somewhere. No guys, it’s not Vogue or Time. Neither are CNN or Berita Harian for that matter (nope, crazy-a**-mocha is not making a comeback anytime soon).

So where and why did I suddenly became a sensation? Well, I became an overnight celebrity for my Primary School teachers. Crazy, I know.

How did I know about this? A few days ago my mother bumped into my primary school teacher and she told my mom on how I became the talk of the town due to my appearance. Nope, I didn’t wear a bikini to my primary school; all I did was dressing up properly and neatly which cause the school to be in a chaos (I think they gossiped about me in their WhatsApp group chat).

According to my teachers, I look hella pretty now. It all started when I went and volunteer for my brother’s Kem Solat. I was wearing an abaya and just a tiny bit of makeup (smoky cat eyes on point!). None of my teachers recognize me but I shooed it off because everyone was busy. After a while, a few teachers acknowledge my existence and can’t stop praising me. Kekekekekeke *insert a disgusting smirking face*. I felt good and happy. I mean, what kind of girl hates being called pretty~

But that happiness didn’t last long. I was teaching those tiny little creature how to solat and a teacher of mine suddenly called me. There’s nothing wrong with my teacher calling me but he called me puan (Mrs.)! Like wth?! You didn’t just call me puan, cikgu!

He was a bit shocked when he saw that it was me but regained his composure by mocking/praising me. -_-“

That is not all. When they called the volunteers name, they added puan to my name. Basically I became Puan Allya Muchaerany that day. Too bad, didn’t have an encik (Mr.) though.

Next, there’s the sports’ day. I became the MC, my worse performance ever! An old teacher of mine sat next to me and he called me puan. I glared at him. I told him I was his student and my name is Allya freaking Muchaerany minus the puan. Guess what, he was shocked and can’t stop mumbling I have no idea what.

I was embarrassed enough and he had to tell everyone *rolling my eyes ’till it went to heaven*. On that day, I became the main attention. Forget the children running around and screaming. Everyone, teachers or not kept ogling me like I’m a some kind of exhibition stuff.

Well, the good side is that they keep on praising me. Tehehehehehehe~~~

Also, I chatted with a teacher of mine who I last met 8/9 years ago. She praised me as well. A goodie two shoes I am, I told her it’s the makeup xD

Okay this post makes me sound like I’m bragging to the world about myself but here is the thing!

Every time I went to my primary school event, I always looked ugly. Like freaking ugly! Bloated eyes, nose full of pores, rough skin texture and so on. When they kept calling me pretty, all I can think was

Hell, was I that ugly before?! You called me pretty when I’m on my ‘bad’ days so how ugly was I before? OMG!!! *making Edvard Munch’s scream painting face*.

Ah right, I used to be very tan, have small eyes, nerdy face, blotched skin and was fat (you’re fatter now). Some teachers even asked me whether I got a job done to my face. RUDE.

I still have my flat nose, my eyes look big because I discard my glasses, my skin is fairer than before because of puberty and my face looks different because of makeup. Seriously! Ah and my smile didn’t change guys, from birth to now and forever.

Tck, I’m happy yet annoyed. Kah!


My Scream face. Even the mask is prettier than me -_-

 See, that my-teeth-is-big-look-at-them smile; it didn’t change xD

How could you, Cabin?!

Hi hi~

I haven’t slept yet. I did slept but not comfortably. I just kinda close my eyes so I’m really drowsy now but I can’t sleep yet! Adrenalines =_=

What’s with my adrenalines that cause me to be awake on such a cloudy and cold day?


Yesterday, I went out from Alamanda’s parking lot and got a WhatsApp message. All I can think was ‘Rajinnya budak ni tetiba message aku.’ Little did I know that it was his farewell message. Douche -_-

I forgot to screenshot them but basically he was telling me that he is going to Australia to study. I was like WTH! I called him and asked him when his flight is. Guess what he said…


Double crap!

I’m happy that he get to study at a place he has been wanting to but he didn’t freaking tell anyone! He just told some of our classmates including me. The annoying friend I am, I broadcasted it to the whole class.

Suddenly, AHA called me and said that she’s going to airport. I said “Yes, I’m going with you” without thinking straight. My mom looked at me weirdly. You know that looking-at-you-from-top-to-bottom kind of stare. I followed her eyes and panicked. I’m wearing the ugliest clothes I have ever worn outside. I got no makeup on! I look like a zombie who just woke up from the dead! I hurriedly called Wawa and asked her mother (she was the one who picks up the phone) whether I can come over and borrow some clothes.

After picking up Fyo from school, I went to Wawa’s house and I think the God of unluckiness was rubbing off me. Out of all times, the lifts just have to be broken. Like WHAAAAAAAAAT?!!! Wawa’s house is on the tenth floor are you crazy I’m not going to run up the stairs!!!

Though in the end I did ran up the stairs just until the fifth floor, thankfully.

When I arrived at Wawa’s house I was a sweating mess. Ikah opened the door and I ran straight to Wawa’s room to find her still sleeping and thus asked Ikah to find clothes for me that matches my shawl.

Bla bla bla I found a nice blouse, courtesy of their mother of course. Thank you very much Aunty Siti!!! ❤

I have no choice but to run down the stairs again but this time; all ten of them =_=

I got in the car, picked Aqila up and went to AHA’s house in a flash. At AHA’s guardhouse,

I was stopped but I was being dramatic by looking so distressed and then told them that someone is waiting for me and I was freaking late and that is a bad thing and and and…. It was an endless and. Thankfully they let me in ASAP and I didn’t have to give them my IC or whatsoever. Nice one Allya xD

Arrived at AHA’s house, dinner jap then kita gerak.

We met Shavvin at the airport and bla bla bla. At the end, when he was about to go inside the immigration; my waterworks show starts. I was freaking-hyper-happy since the beginning but when I saw him hugging everyone, I broke down.

AHA was like “Allya shaddap you are embarrassing me.”

Humph! Kesah pula aku :p

Shavvin saw us and bid his farewell. Everything went in a blur and as embarrassing my friends is my no. 1 job, I screamed his name out loud a few times. I’m pretty sure he’s glad that his other friends went in first. Hahahahaha :p

Meh~ I know you’re happy that both AHA and I came, Cabin xD

I became teary again because this one aunty was thanking me for showing the world Shavvin’s other side. She said that he’s a quiet boy. Tanya sepatah, jawab sepatah. Quiet apa benda *dramatic eye roll

Like hello!!! He is my classmates. Well, was.

Classmates = Wild animals (jk guys. not)

His mom also thanked both me and AHA for coming. She said that Shavvin’s more relaxed after we came. Not so jumpy and all.

Alolololo co cweeet cabiiin~ *kissy emoji x10

That’s that. I ended up sleeping over at AHA’s house since we arrived late, so yeah…

I know I sounded a bit dramatic but hey! Other than Aina, he is basically my first classmate who studies abroad. I’m gonna be a compose person maybe the 30th time I send my friends abroad xD  MAYBE…

You can watch Shavvin’s Aussie Story, Beginning in my twitter, part 1 & part 2.

I am a mess TT^TT


P.S. Cabin, if you read this, do tell me when you’re coming back. Christmas right? Do inform me. Ok! Enjoy Brisbane brothaaaa~~~

P.P.S. Alhamdulillah, Shavvin has landed safely in Brisbane 🙂 Now, I can sleep in peace.