Uhhhhmmm… What?

Hi hi~

So, I just finished doing the laundry at midnight. During the time I was doing the laundry, a story popped into my mind. It’s not really a story, or is it?

Now that I’m in front of my laptop, staring at this blank Word sheet, it’s all gone, thus that is the reason why I’m ranting about it here.

What was I supposed to write? It was interesting, I swear. All I remember was the intro of the should-be-this blog-post post.

I know, I know, I should post about the Darevolution AGM, but I must write about ……………………..

There, blank… Oh well, whatever, it’ll popped up someday, I hope. Maybe I’m too sleepy, so it’s hidden somewhere inside my currently tired brain…

Toodles, tata~

A blur

You know that feeling when your mind just stop working. I’m writing this while hoping that none of my housemates will read it. These past few months was hectic. My schedule was packed, with both studying and UFS’s matters. True, I’m a strong person mentally, but I think I’m reaching my limit.

If you read my earlier posts, you’ll know that I’m in the middle of my sem break. Although, there’s none for my housemates and I. It was fine, until now. We’re supposed to gather back at Kelana Jaya by next week and I’ve planned everything, but it just disappear. I was in a blur earlier, staring into the wall kind of blankness. Then, I started crying, sobbing like a little child whose candy has been taken away from her. In the middle of that emotional distress, I messaged a friend. I told that person about my sudden blur state, not knowing what to do.

Babbling about it, I stopped. Everyone have burdens, I don’t want to add my friends’ burdens; they have enough. Furthermore, I’m the one who jumped into the scene, knowing what I‘ll face ahead.

It happened while I was packing my luggage. I don’t know what to pack, heck, I don’t know what outfit I should wear next week. It got me thinking, what the hell am I doing right now? Why do I have to stay over at Kelana Jaya next week? Why can’t we just do it from our perspective home? Why? Why? Why? Endless whys.

Releasing my distress while writing this post, hoping that no one will read it; it calms me a bit.

Crazy it may sound, I think I need a break from everything. I need to see the doctor, need to spend more time being a college student. I want to act my age, without caring about anything but my pointers.

The last time I had a decent sleep was before I became the VP, am not complaining though, because I know that my Pres’s burdens are heavier. I promised myself not to add anything to his already-heavy-responsibility, but I guess I’m not strong enough. After this, I’ll have to be stronger, for everyone. That’s what I’ve been doing all my life, being strong, so what’s with the sudden breakdown?

Aaaah… I know… I think it’s because of my views. I haven’t see or being with any hot guys these days. Teheee~ Let’s lighten up the mood should we?

You gotta admit, hot guys are da bomb! Especially if they’re kind and hmmmm… I don’t care if they’re straight or not, as long as you’re an eye candy, then I’ll be fine. I’m not trying to be a hoe here; studies did show that handsome male lowers down female stress level.

Uhuuu, I just got a message from Pen’s gf, asking me to go out tomorrow. I think I’ll take on that offer. Gotta go outside and chill around, cuci mata~ Ceh, though Pen will probably come as well tomorrow, the chance of meeting new guys is going to be as thin as my patience.  Oh well, beggars cannot be choosers. Toodles world~

Tata~

She’s coming back

She’s coming back

She, who I am scared of

She who can ruin

She who can shake

She who will change me.

Who is this ‘she’ that I’m scared of? I’m not really scared of her, but whatever.

She is me, as in the old Allya. The Allya that my school friends knew about and the Allya that my univ. friends will definitely hate; some of them. She was asleep for more than a year and somehow, she’s waking up from her deep slumber. The reason? My busy and hectic life.

She’s giving me signs. My icy glares are back. My unfiltered mouth replaced my ever-so-polite one. The I-don’t-give-a-damn-about-people’s-feeling-when-doing-work is showing. My strength. That bored stare = meanest bitch face ever. Basically, Cruella de Allya is back and there’s no way of stopping her.

For the past one years-ish, I was a calm person.

  • You didn’t do your work? Fine, I forgive you.
  • You’re my friend, so yeah; I will be lenient to you.
  • Ouh, you don’t have enough time to do your report? It’s okay, I’ll extend the deadline.

All of those are bullshit! My school friends will puke if they see that side of me. I mean c’mon, they’ve been with me for a decade long and all they’ve seen is Cruella de Allya; only when it comes to serious matters.

  • You didn’t do your work? F-off, get loss!
  • So what if you’re my friend? Work is work and friend is friend. Separate your work and private life, please.
  • You little piece of ****! What do you mean by, “I don’t have time to do the report?” You think I’m not busy? Heck! I’m juggling three events in one time and you can’t even write one report for one freaking event?!

I don’t know why Allya The Witch suddenly disappeared. She just fades away, until a few days ago… Amyr, Farrel, Daryl and I were having a meeting about the charity run.

Daryl made a joke, I freaking glared at him.

Amyr was being sappy and I told him whatever was going through my mind without filtering them.

For Farrel, she has seen Cruella de Allya a few times and she is cool with it because she knows how to separate professional life and private life. That’s what I love about her, though the two guys were probably quite shocked xD

I’m known to be a proper lady, hate cursing and all. I mean, I am a proper lady, but lately, I’m becoming a sailor. Especially the cursing part.

I stated earlier that most of my univ. friends are second-born or are the last child. These kind of people (some of them) can’t stand me, due to my strictness. Here’s the thing, I’m the freaking VP and I don’t mind listening to your advice as a friend, but when I’m in work-mode, only the president is allowed to tell me what to do. I have my own way of doing things, if you don’t like how I do things, then fine, shoot away. There are more than 200 students under me, so you can’t expect me to be in favor with everyone. I’ve tried that before and it stressed me out; hated it.

I know it sounds cruel. A good leader is someone who can be in favor of his subordinates. Someone understanding who tried his best to help his underlings. Nevertheless, do remember, there’s a limit to what you can say to your leader. You must know when to not interfere with the leader’s duties and what not. A leader is a leader for a reason. Most of the time that person knows the consequences of his actions. He knows that he will be hated, but he must live with it because it comes in the package of being a leader.

Again, I’m not saying that I’m a good leader; I’m listed in the hated leader category. Even though a person may seems like he’s not doing any job, do remember, he is shouldering the burden of everyone else. He is carrying his problems as well as his underlings’. Sometimes, someone acts cruelly because they want the people around them to be a better person; a human being better than them. That’s why, don’t judge a book by its cover, because you never know how big of a problem a smile can hide.

Yeah, I think Allya the She-devil is coming out again because she had enough observing from the shadow. Although, do not worry, no matter how cruel Allya is; her politeness stays as long as you respect her. If you treat her rudely, you’re doomed. Once, twice, it is fine, but if you keep bitching every single time I see you; I am going to screw you.

This post is not for anyone in particular. I just want to let it all out before proceeding to the next semester and to tell the world that ‘she’ is coming back, so beware. Please don’t take it to heart, because this is nothing compare to what I’ll do. Toodles~

Tata~

 

M2H life: An Indonesian living in Malaysia

Hi hi

As you all know (well maybe not everyone), I’m an Indonesian living in Malaysia. Those two countries are not that far. Just a 2 hours-ish flight and you’ve arrived.

I moved to Malaysia back in 2005. In the middle of August if I’m not wrong. Met new people, new friends and of course, a new environment.

 I’ve always been good with people. I know what they want and what they dislike. But, for an eight y/o (2006, my 1st year as a student in Malaysia), it’s quite scary. Before moving to Malaysia, I stayed at my grandma’s house in Malang. I finished my Year 1 of primary school there. When I arrived in Malaysia, language was my barrier. You see, I was so ‘medok’. As in my Javanese was on point! Yes, ‘was’ because I suck at it now.

When I first moved here, Malaysia and Indonesia are not in a really good relationship. This and that, alhamdulillah, my family and I found nice people here. We now have a few friendly and kind Malaysians as close friends.

My classmates and schoolmates are my favs. True, there are some ups and downs but heck! They’re the best friends anyone can have!!! Never once in my life, they ever disgrace me or insult me about my nationality. Friends, love you alllll!!!!!!!!!

Though I gotta admit, the teachers can be quite annoying. My 10 fingers are not fully open, so yeah, just a few.

I remember one time, during my Form 1 year, a teacher asked me about my nationality. I told her, I’m an Indonesian. She asked me,

“Ayah awak kerja cleaner lah?”

I said back,

“Yeah, dia boss cleaner”

My friends were furious! Like, chill lah guys. She’s insulting my dad, not yours. But yeah you get the point. My friends are sooo precious! Btw, my dad is not a cleaner guys, he’s a specialist. A specialist at scolding me. Hahahahaha xD

There’s the Indon thingy. I hate that word! Even now. I used to be freaking mad at people who said that forbidden word, but now that I know the truth, I can’t blame them. Though I still correct them.

The word ‘Indon’ was created by Indonesians themselves. Those ‘foreign’ workers named themselves ‘Indon’ so, that is why Malaysians call us ‘Indon’.

Okay, now to straightened things up, we are INDONESIAN and not Indon.

We feel very insulted if you called us ‘Indon’. If you still want to use the ‘Indon’ word then please refer that to those uneducated people. I know that I sounded rude, but that’s the truth. They called themselves that, but most of us educated Indonesians hate that word. It sounds so ugly and disgusting. It’s a total insult.

Next is the proud-being-an-Indonesian thingy. You see, I gotta admit, Indonesian tend to be so proud of our country. Even I’m proud being an Indonesian (though its freaking f****d up now). Indonesians are not like before, where its people love their country with their whole being. Indonesians these days only knew how to destroy their country’s reputation (well, not all of them. Some people are doing great things for our country). You may call me stupidly proud for loving my country, but hey, if we’re not the one who protects our country; then who will?

You may not feel it if you’re living in Indonesia. Though if you live abroad; that’s a different story. Ironically, my school always celebrated Malaysia’s Independence Day on the 17th of August which falls on Indonesia’s Independence Day. I will try to skip it if I can, but that’s impossible. I’m needed everywhere xD jk.

Do you have any idea how painful it was? I don’t know, maybe it’s because of my high patriotism spirit; I cried every time. Sometimes, I have to be the flag bearer you see. I declined, but I was still forced to do it (see, I’m irreplaceable guys xD). Every time the Jalur Gemilang was raised, I’ll cry. Call me over the top, but hey, I just love my country too much.

When you live abroad, you tend to not take things for granted.

So, why am I writing this actually?

It is because someone said something about my love for my country. I live in Malaysia and I love it here. Moving to Malaysia was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I grew up here, have nice friends and great acquaintances. True, not everyone is as lucky as I am, but Malaysia is not that bad. I went back to Indonesia and stayed there for 5 months ish and trust me when I say that I don’t want to live there. Yeah, I love my country but the crowdedness. Dang. I live in Cyberjaya&Putrajaya. Probably one of the cleanness and most quiet place in Malaysia, not to mention breathtakingly beautiful.

Malaysia’s great, but Indonesia is where my heart is. I may hate its crowdedness, nevertheless, I love it with all my heart. It’s one of the things that I will put my life on the line for (and can get very mad if you insult it). It’s my country and I am allowed to love it like a fool. If you can love a boy like an idiot, why can’t you love your country?

What I want to say here is that, Malaysia and Malaysians are great (though gotta to admit, Malaysians can be freaking rude. My mom’s friends were traumatized to come here again due to the local people rudeness) and they’re also changing for the better.

You should not judge people’s love for their country as well. What’s wrong with being overly proud? True, your country may be quite sh*tty sometimes but hey; which country doesn’t?

There’s a lot of Indonesian expatriate here in Malaysia and not all of them are bad. Look at me. The Indonesians students before me were stupid scheisse but somehow, I manage to leave a good impression to Malaysians in my school. Heck, I wouldn’t be getting one of the best student award if I’m bad, right? I’m not trying to brag. I just want to tell you what I feel about this whole Indonesia-Malaysia thingy.

If humans and aliens (superman a.k.a. Henry Cavill, the hottest superman alive! <3) can coexist, why can’t these two countries love each other? Well, the situation is better now than before. But humans are greedy creatures.

“I need more! I want more! Give me more!” said Allya who wants more ice cream (or more fats in her body xD)

That’s all for today.

Tata~

P.S. Do forgive my messy writing and grammar. I’m so sleepy right now but I wanna write something. Degil. Hahahahaha xD

P.P.S. I wrote this for fun. Not to start a war. This is my PERSONAL OPINION. Others may have different opinions. I’m a young girl who haven’t live long enough to know about the world. Do forgive me if I said something insulting. Again, it;s MY PERSONAL OPINION. I’m not representing the whole Indonesians who live in Malaysia. Nope, not going to be responsible for shouldering a million of people’s opinion.

Fluttering

Sooooooooooooooooooo…

I was in a bad mood thanks to a certain someone but now, I’m on cloud nine

It feels like thousands butterflies are in my stomach.

Fluttering, yes!

You know that weird feeling when you’re in love. I don’t know why I feel this way.

Ah, maybe because I just saw my love. Park Bo Geum. Bo Geummaaa~ xD

I’m grinning like an idiot while writing this. I know that I’m going to be punished for feeling this way. I know what I’m doing now is wrong but I just can’t help it. I know that I’ll end up in a pool of tears and pain (totally exaggerated).

Just one night, let me be a selfish person.

For now let’s forget everything and just enjoy it. This annoying adorable feeling~ Since it won’t last long and all…

But oh well~

Tata~