Moody no more~

Soooooo… I was in a bad mood, since Monday. Or was it Tuesday. Eh… I forgot… Ouh yeah, I was absent on Tuesday and Wednesday due to my high fever.

Things happened here and there. At home, campus, brain, heart. Though this one particular thing pissed the hell out of me. Though, s’all good now~

I’m still mad and I am still going to write something about it, but for now, I’m just happy. And confused. Well, more like the later one.

The one thing that I’m really bad at (except for Maths; that one is my mutual enemy since birth) is L.O.V.E. I suck big time! Make it one-sided or two ways relationship. Pffffttt… Who am I to talk? All you do is one-sided gurl xD

Let’s prevent this from getting weirder. Gotta do my law assignment (thank you Syamiel for wishing me good luck for this! I need it! TT^TT) and study for tomorrow’s quiz~

Tata~ Adios~

Becoming too ‘manja’

Who? Who became annoyingly spoilt? Tehee~ It’s me.

I am not one to ‘mengada’ with people. I don’t mind people being all clingy, acting like a baby, but for Thor’s sake; I don’t do those things. Well, at least not before.

To summarize it all, before college, I was the guardian angel/Satan’s mistress to people around me. They’ll seek me for comfort and asked for advice (tho most of the time, I’m the source of their agony), they belief in me (not trust) and most importantly, my friends know that Allya the big sister will always be there for them; to protect them.

If they got into a fight, I’ll beat up whoever the opponent was (even when my friends are wrong. Bad, I know. Am extremely bias), when someone said bad things about my friends, I’ll make sure that person who bad-mouthed them will suffer for the rest of their life (only I can talk bad about my friends) and when we’re out in the cold world, I will make sure everyone was safe. I’ll walk on the side-nearest-to-the road path, I’ll make sure I’ll be hit first when crossing the road,  I’ll bring all of those heavy things; I’ll protect them from harm’s way.

Although, it all changed when I entered college. Particularly, during my semester 2. I am treated like a princess. Maybe it’s a normal thing, but I do feel flattered by whatever they are all doing. Alhamdulillah, I’m blessed with guy friends who are total gentlemen. Never once, those male in my campus ever let me bring heavy things. They care for me like how a girl is suppose to be treated. I mean, I’m not saying that the guys from school are bad, they’re adorable, but maybe they’re just used to see me as someone who’ll protect them; not one to be protected.

Sadly, I became too comfortable with this whole situation. When I met my school friends, I get offended by what they did or said. The old Allya wouldn’t mind about it at all. Heck, she’ll probably laugh it off without feeling bad. However, the current Allya almost cried.

When facing a troublesome situation, the girl who not only collected herself, but are also leading 800 people; she was shaking when answering the phone. I mean, I get it if I’m shaking because I lied, but I was blurting out the truth for God sake! I kept blabbering; ‘uhhhmmm’ was often said as much as I inhale. Ergh! The old me can tell you a story about some person’s life; a non-existence person while sounding like that person is my best friend! (not something that I should be proud of, but you get the point yeah)

She is becoming softer and more sensitive. I should get myself together. Gotta find that old Allya back (only the positive sides please). I love being pampered by people around me, but I should not delude myself. Okay, delude is not the word, but whatever xD

True, I love being treated like a woman, but I shouldn’t be mean to friends who didn’t treat me as such. It’s not their fault, they know the old Allya, not the new. So I can’t blame them for that. Regardless, I love all of my friends!

❤ ❤ ❤ Love you all lots! ❤ ❤ ❤

Tata~


P.S. I know this is a random thing to write. I just feel like writing, that’s all. Again, bear with me please xD

P.P.S. I am becoming too dependent on Pres as well. Before, everyone was depending on me; the ever so independent woman. Now, I’m disgusted at how much I depend on Pres. No offense Pres, none of them are your fault. I love being your VP, you treat me well and thanks to you, I get to experience being a follower, leaded by a great person. But gurl, you gotta get yourself together and rule on! Oppps, I mean live on~

Uhhhhmmm… What?

Hi hi~

So, I just finished doing the laundry at midnight. During the time I was doing the laundry, a story popped into my mind. It’s not really a story, or is it?

Now that I’m in front of my laptop, staring at this blank Word sheet, it’s all gone, thus that is the reason why I’m ranting about it here.

What was I supposed to write? It was interesting, I swear. All I remember was the intro of the should-be-this blog-post post.

I know, I know, I should post about the Darevolution AGM, but I must write about ……………………..

There, blank… Oh well, whatever, it’ll popped up someday, I hope. Maybe I’m too sleepy, so it’s hidden somewhere inside my currently tired brain…

Toodles, tata~

A blur

You know that feeling when your mind just stop working. I’m writing this while hoping that none of my housemates will read it. These past few months was hectic. My schedule was packed, with both studying and UFS’s matters. True, I’m a strong person mentally, but I think I’m reaching my limit.

If you read my earlier posts, you’ll know that I’m in the middle of my sem break. Although, there’s none for my housemates and I. It was fine, until now. We’re supposed to gather back at Kelana Jaya by next week and I’ve planned everything, but it just disappear. I was in a blur earlier, staring into the wall kind of blankness. Then, I started crying, sobbing like a little child whose candy has been taken away from her. In the middle of that emotional distress, I messaged a friend. I told that person about my sudden blur state, not knowing what to do.

Babbling about it, I stopped. Everyone have burdens, I don’t want to add my friends’ burdens; they have enough. Furthermore, I’m the one who jumped into the scene, knowing what I‘ll face ahead.

It happened while I was packing my luggage. I don’t know what to pack, heck, I don’t know what outfit I should wear next week. It got me thinking, what the hell am I doing right now? Why do I have to stay over at Kelana Jaya next week? Why can’t we just do it from our perspective home? Why? Why? Why? Endless whys.

Releasing my distress while writing this post, hoping that no one will read it; it calms me a bit.

Crazy it may sound, I think I need a break from everything. I need to see the doctor, need to spend more time being a college student. I want to act my age, without caring about anything but my pointers.

The last time I had a decent sleep was before I became the VP, am not complaining though, because I know that my Pres’s burdens are heavier. I promised myself not to add anything to his already-heavy-responsibility, but I guess I’m not strong enough. After this, I’ll have to be stronger, for everyone. That’s what I’ve been doing all my life, being strong, so what’s with the sudden breakdown?

Aaaah… I know… I think it’s because of my views. I haven’t see or being with any hot guys these days. Teheee~ Let’s lighten up the mood should we?

You gotta admit, hot guys are da bomb! Especially if they’re kind and hmmmm… I don’t care if they’re straight or not, as long as you’re an eye candy, then I’ll be fine. I’m not trying to be a hoe here; studies did show that handsome male lowers down female stress level.

Uhuuu, I just got a message from Pen’s gf, asking me to go out tomorrow. I think I’ll take on that offer. Gotta go outside and chill around, cuci mata~ Ceh, though Pen will probably come as well tomorrow, the chance of meeting new guys is going to be as thin as my patience.  Oh well, beggars cannot be choosers. Toodles world~

Tata~

She’s coming back

She’s coming back

She, who I am scared of

She who can ruin

She who can shake

She who will change me.

Who is this ‘she’ that I’m scared of? I’m not really scared of her, but whatever.

She is me, as in the old Allya. The Allya that my school friends knew about and the Allya that my univ. friends will definitely hate; some of them. She was asleep for more than a year and somehow, she’s waking up from her deep slumber. The reason? My busy and hectic life.

She’s giving me signs. My icy glares are back. My unfiltered mouth replaced my ever-so-polite one. The I-don’t-give-a-damn-about-people’s-feeling-when-doing-work is showing. My strength. That bored stare = meanest bitch face ever. Basically, Cruella de Allya is back and there’s no way of stopping her.

For the past one years-ish, I was a calm person.

  • You didn’t do your work? Fine, I forgive you.
  • You’re my friend, so yeah; I will be lenient to you.
  • Ouh, you don’t have enough time to do your report? It’s okay, I’ll extend the deadline.

All of those are bullshit! My school friends will puke if they see that side of me. I mean c’mon, they’ve been with me for a decade long and all they’ve seen is Cruella de Allya; only when it comes to serious matters.

  • You didn’t do your work? F-off, get loss!
  • So what if you’re my friend? Work is work and friend is friend. Separate your work and private life, please.
  • You little piece of ****! What do you mean by, “I don’t have time to do the report?” You think I’m not busy? Heck! I’m juggling three events in one time and you can’t even write one report for one freaking event?!

I don’t know why Allya The Witch suddenly disappeared. She just fades away, until a few days ago… Amyr, Farrel, Daryl and I were having a meeting about the charity run.

Daryl made a joke, I freaking glared at him.

Amyr was being sappy and I told him whatever was going through my mind without filtering them.

For Farrel, she has seen Cruella de Allya a few times and she is cool with it because she knows how to separate professional life and private life. That’s what I love about her, though the two guys were probably quite shocked xD

I’m known to be a proper lady, hate cursing and all. I mean, I am a proper lady, but lately, I’m becoming a sailor. Especially the cursing part.

I stated earlier that most of my univ. friends are second-born or are the last child. These kind of people (some of them) can’t stand me, due to my strictness. Here’s the thing, I’m the freaking VP and I don’t mind listening to your advice as a friend, but when I’m in work-mode, only the president is allowed to tell me what to do. I have my own way of doing things, if you don’t like how I do things, then fine, shoot away. There are more than 200 students under me, so you can’t expect me to be in favor with everyone. I’ve tried that before and it stressed me out; hated it.

I know it sounds cruel. A good leader is someone who can be in favor of his subordinates. Someone understanding who tried his best to help his underlings. Nevertheless, do remember, there’s a limit to what you can say to your leader. You must know when to not interfere with the leader’s duties and what not. A leader is a leader for a reason. Most of the time that person knows the consequences of his actions. He knows that he will be hated, but he must live with it because it comes in the package of being a leader.

Again, I’m not saying that I’m a good leader; I’m listed in the hated leader category. Even though a person may seems like he’s not doing any job, do remember, he is shouldering the burden of everyone else. He is carrying his problems as well as his underlings’. Sometimes, someone acts cruelly because they want the people around them to be a better person; a human being better than them. That’s why, don’t judge a book by its cover, because you never know how big of a problem a smile can hide.

Yeah, I think Allya the She-devil is coming out again because she had enough observing from the shadow. Although, do not worry, no matter how cruel Allya is; her politeness stays as long as you respect her. If you treat her rudely, you’re doomed. Once, twice, it is fine, but if you keep bitching every single time I see you; I am going to screw you.

This post is not for anyone in particular. I just want to let it all out before proceeding to the next semester and to tell the world that ‘she’ is coming back, so beware. Please don’t take it to heart, because this is nothing compare to what I’ll do. Toodles~

Tata~