A blur

You know that feeling when your mind just stop working. I’m writing this while hoping that none of my housemates will read it. These past few months was hectic. My schedule was packed, with both studying and UFS’s matters. True, I’m a strong person mentally, but I think I’m reaching my limit.

If you read my earlier posts, you’ll know that I’m in the middle of my sem break. Although, there’s none for my housemates and I. It was fine, until now. We’re supposed to gather back at Kelana Jaya by next week and I’ve planned everything, but it just disappear. I was in a blur earlier, staring into the wall kind of blankness. Then, I started crying, sobbing like a little child whose candy has been taken away from her. In the middle of that emotional distress, I messaged a friend. I told that person about my sudden blur state, not knowing what to do.

Babbling about it, I stopped. Everyone have burdens, I don’t want to add my friends’ burdens; they have enough. Furthermore, I’m the one who jumped into the scene, knowing what I‘ll face ahead.

It happened while I was packing my luggage. I don’t know what to pack, heck, I don’t know what outfit I should wear next week. It got me thinking, what the hell am I doing right now? Why do I have to stay over at Kelana Jaya next week? Why can’t we just do it from our perspective home? Why? Why? Why? Endless whys.

Releasing my distress while writing this post, hoping that no one will read it; it calms me a bit.

Crazy it may sound, I think I need a break from everything. I need to see the doctor, need to spend more time being a college student. I want to act my age, without caring about anything but my pointers.

The last time I had a decent sleep was before I became the VP, am not complaining though, because I know that my Pres’s burdens are heavier. I promised myself not to add anything to his already-heavy-responsibility, but I guess I’m not strong enough. After this, I’ll have to be stronger, for everyone. That’s what I’ve been doing all my life, being strong, so what’s with the sudden breakdown?

Aaaah… I know… I think it’s because of my views. I haven’t see or being with any hot guys these days. Teheee~ Let’s lighten up the mood should we?

You gotta admit, hot guys are da bomb! Especially if they’re kind and hmmmm… I don’t care if they’re straight or not, as long as you’re an eye candy, then I’ll be fine. I’m not trying to be a hoe here; studies did show that handsome male lowers down female stress level.

Uhuuu, I just got a message from Pen’s gf, asking me to go out tomorrow. I think I’ll take on that offer. Gotta go outside and chill around, cuci mata~ Ceh, though Pen will probably come as well tomorrow, the chance of meeting new guys is going to be as thin as my patience.  Oh well, beggars cannot be choosers. Toodles world~

Tata~

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