So its study week and a lot of things happened.
I’m known to be a ‘mulut tempayan’ kinda person. Well used to be. Past tense. The older I grow, the less I talk. I talk only when needed, not caring much about people’s life. But like they say, the past can still haunts you.
Aiiiih, this mouth of mine *slapping my mouth*
The thing is, I did lots of mistakes in my life. Done this, done that. I was the worse b*tch you could ever meet, your worst nightmare. Though, like I said earlier, I’ve change for the better. Even with the past still haunting me, I’ve find ways to fix them.
Those pasts are haunting us because we haven’t fixed them. Once they’re fixed, you’ll be as free as a bird in the sky, flying.
The fixing part though; why didn’t a lot of people do it? Because it’s scary to take the first step. Once you’ve done it, it’ll be easier afterwards. I was scared, I didn’t want to acknowledge my mistakes. Ego so high, as tall as Mount Everest.
One day, after performing salat, it struck me.
Why do you keep ignoring your past?
Why can’t you just let it go?
Why do feel insecure everyday?
WHY? WHY? WHY?
An endless ‘why’ went through my mind and somewhere inside my heart, I know the answers to those whys.
I met a new-adult(?) a few weeks ago. He made me realize that I’m still too childish (though for my age, I’m quite mature) and taught me things that I never thought I needed to know. His words linger in my mind for weeks, until yesterday.
I did what I should’ve have done a long time ago. I lower down my ego and brace myself up for the worst. Little did I know that it’ll all went well. Well, my part is over, I don’t know about the others. I said what’s in my mind but with grace and politeness; not the overly-emotional-teenage-girl kind of way.
I haven’t done everything, but I’m planning on doing so after this. So that my past will stop haunting me. After doing all of those things, I feel more mature. Not only I’m at ease; I’m starting to see everything in a brand new light.
1 point for the more mature Allya and nada for the not so mature Allya.
I hope that this will make me a better person. People can’t change drastically, but hey, we can still change.
Look at me! From a rude mouthed b*tch who cares about no one, I’m now a pleasant person who thinks about others more than before.
Step by step. It’s a part of growing up. Don’t just grow in size, do grow in other ways as well.
With this, I hope that people will try to change for the better. It’s not the amount of changes we did that matters; it’s the efforts that we took.